Strangely enough, we receive very few applications from men for our retreat. I have the impression that, here in the Netherlands, many men think it’s not meant for them. Perhaps it’s because of the title, as the word ‘parenting’ is often associated with feminine, nurturing qualities. Another misunderstanding is that the retreat is primarily for young parents. However, after facilitating this retreat many times, I know from experience that men, in particular, can experience profound growth through this process.
What is Reparenting Ourselves?
Reparenting Ourselves is about reclaiming your personal story. It involves looking inward and traveling back in time through meditation—back to your childhood, where much of your foundation was shaped. We connect with our inner parental figures and discover that various childlike parts of ourselves still live on within us. You may have heard of approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or schema therapy. Similarly, this retreat helps you meet the different parts that shape your personality.
A Journey Back to Childhood
Your childhood and youth are your formative years. During this time, you grow physically, mentally, and emotionally. You develop ways to cope with change. As children, we experience fear, frustration, anger, and sadness for the first time. Also in our early childhood our true needs weren’t always met. How we responded back then often forms the basis for recurring behavior patterns in adulthood. Do you recognize such patterns in yourself e.g. how you deal with difficult emotions today?
No one wants to be in pain, and everyone fears. Or, to put it more accurately, all of us have experienced pain and fear at some point in our lives. Within us, we carry a tendency to avoid pain or fear, often rooted in unpleasant childhood memories, memories we’d rather not revisit. But this is where our programming started and our retreat takes you back to those origins. As Thich Nhat Hanh says, we start “back to where the suffering began,” to reconnect with the vulnerable part of yourself. We call this part the inner child.
My Personal Experience
I, too, carry a wounded child. My father was deeply affected by the Bersiap and the colonial war in Indonesia. At the age of 11, he came to the Netherlands as an orphan, a country he had never known. His life, and my parents’ marriage, was marked by the lingering shadows of war and anger. I don’t have many memories of my own childhood, but I do remember the fights between my parents, and how I would retreat to a hut in the backyard where I felt safe. My parents divorced when I was nine.
During previous retreats, when we practiced exercises about connecting with the vulnerable child, I could reflect on this difficult childhood. But I often dismissed it with thoughts like:
- It all made me stronger.
- If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger.
- I’ve already healed from this.
- I can do it by myself
- I’ve forgiven my father.
These inner dialogues, I now realize, were my way of avoiding the deeper pain and trauma of my youth.
Of course, I’ve done other forms of self-work before. I’ve calmed my anger and found peace through meditation. I no longer numb myself with substances to avoid painful emotions. After doing all this I discovered that working with the inner child allowed me to go even deeper.
What Reparenting Really Means
Reparenting is about learning to compassionately care for the wounded child within you. It means being able to feel vulnerable or sad without judgment. You learn to meet your own needs in moments of vulnerability, instead of seeking fulfillment from others. Through this retreat, you’ll discover how to care for yourself again, how to carry yourself.
What This Brings
By acknowledging the pain within me, I’ve learned to carry myself better, without the neediness or dependency on others. When I miss what I am craving for, I no longer project it onto someone else. I can simply feel sadness without it turning into anger. This has allowed me to communicate my needs more clearly when I can’t handle things alone.
In an unexpected way, this process has made me stronger, more mature. And, as you can see, I’ve become better at sharing my own story.
Join Us
Sadly, I still see many strong men around me who struggle to connect with the vulnerable child inside themselves. They dismiss it as weakness and compensate in their own ways. But I’ve come to understand that these strategies are limiting.
If you recognize these more “masculine” ways of rationalizing pain, fear, or discomfort, I invite you to join our retreat.
Together with Susan Bögels, I lead the retreat several times a year. Once a year, we hold the retreat in the Netherlands at De Hoorneboeg, near Hilversum. >> Learn more here. <<
Agenda
- 18 to 23 September 2026 – Parenting Ourselves Retreat (in Dutch) at De Hoorneboeg, Netherlands.
. - 1 to 5 October 2026 – Parenting Ourselves Retreat in Beijing, China.
. - 6 & 7 October 2026 – Parenting Ourselves Teacher Training in Beijing, China.
. - 8 to 10 January 2027 – Immersion Weekend Parenting Ourselves, De Hoorneboeg, Hilversum.
. - 3 to 8 June 2027 – International Parenting Ourselves Retreat (English Spoken), De Hoorneboeg, Netherlands.
. - 17 to 22 September 2027 – Parenting Ourselves Retreat (in Dutch) at De Hoorneboeg, Netherlands.
And our English spoken retreat in Coimbra, Portugal is from June 9 to June 13, 2027
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